I recently received an email from someone who I had not heard from in over 15 years. From my teenage years until my mid-20’s, she had been as close as a sister to me. Once I finally realized why I was so miserable in my life, I came out to her. It did not go well. But then, something wonderful happened.

Christmas is the time of year when forgiveness is held in high regard. People tend to be a little nicer, and there are more feel-good stories on the news.

For the past ten years or so, I’ve tried to live my life as a better person. I’ve stopped smoking, slowed down considerably on the booze and I’ve tried to treat people with respect. I’m far from perfect – I still curse more than I should and my temper can get the best of me.  But I feel a lot better about myself as a whole.

The last time I spoke to Ms. X, I was in my mid-20’s. Up until that point, I hated the person I was – because I felt that I was different from everyone else that I knew, and I didn’t understand why. The self-loathing caused me to drink constantly, get into fights at bars, and be a general pain in the butt to everyone who knew me. I honestly didn’t care if I lived or died – in fact, at times I thought that death would be a blessing.

It took a lot of soul searching and the love of a wonderful woman, but I finally came to grips with my sexuality. I came out to my family and was pleasantly surprised at their support. My mother, as always, was very matter-of-fact about the whole thing. I think she knew before I did. Even my father, who was an old-fashioned, west-Texas good-ol’-boy, told me he loved me. So, I felt a little better about telling my best friend. After all, she knew how miserable I had been for the past few years. I thought she would be glad that I had finally figured out why I was so angry and sad all the time. So, it was a terrible shock to hear the hateful words that came from her – all because I was gay. She stepped out of my life and I never heard from her again…until now.

While I was happy with my wife, the woman who had given me the unconditional love and support I had always needed, my heart broke at the loss of my “sister of the heart”. It took me years to get over the loss. I often thought of my friend and wondered if she was all right.

Imagine my surprise when I received an email through my high school alumni website, from the person I thought I’d lost contact with forever. The heartfelt apology she had written was nice to see, although I had forgiven her a long time ago.  Still, I was nervous about why she contacted me after all these years. After a short phone call, I learned that she and her family are happy and healthy. I have high hopes to at least become friendly again.

What would you do? Would you hold a grudge that only festered and ruined you, or would you forgive and move on?

I’m in a great place in my life. My wife and I have never been happier. My mother, whom I’ve worried about for years, is now living with us and feeling great. I enjoy our little pound-rescue puppies that scamper through the house and my writing keeps me busy. I’m looking forward to the New Year, and everything that it brings.

Merry Christmas!

So, we were cleaning out some old boxes and came across a very interesting photo taken of me on my eighth birthday.

While it wasn’t too much of a shock to my system considering my upbringing, it made me wonder – why did it take me until I was in my thirties to come to grip with my sexuality? I mean, duh! 

Obviously my parents didn’t care, as long as I was happy. And as you can see by the photo below, I seemed pretty darned pleased. I pointed out to my mother that while I was wearing a Dallas Cowboys football uniform, somehow she managed to make my cake with ROSES on it. LOL! Poor woman – she tried. And I won’t even go into the years of fighting over dresses vs. jeans.

A couple of years ago, Jan asked my mother if she and my dad ever thought that I was gay. Mom shrugged and said they did, but wanted to wait until I figured it out on my own. Gee, thanks, Mom. I sure could have used a hint or two along the way.

But, in the long run, things worked out for the best. It took me a while, but I finally understood why I always felt ‘different’. When my girl friends were swooning over the hunk of the day, I was more interested in what kind of car they drove. Besides, back in the Seventies, the “hunks” all looked like danged girls, anyway! Does anyone remember Leif Garrett, Andy Gibb or The Bay City Rollers? <shiver>  I had posters of Burt Reynolds (Smokey & the Bandit), Clint Eastwood (Dirty Harry) and a ton of silly animals. With Burt, I think it was more Sally Field and that awesome Trans Am that I liked. And with Clint…well, did you ever see what a cool gun a Magnum .357 was? 

But, since I waited until I was older, I was able to connect with the greatest gift I could ever be blessed with – my wife, Jan. And, to tell you the truth, I wouldn’t change a damned thing.

My wife and I did our best to raise our daughter to be smart and responsible, so when she decided to move out a few months ago, we were pretty sure she’d be fine.

Only a couple of weeks went by and we were almost ashamed to enjoy the “empty nest”. But, being the troopers we are, we did our best.

At the same time, my mother, who turned seventy about two months ago, told me she was having trouble taking care of the home she rented. I can understand that, because it was a three bedroom, two bath house – much too big for a single woman to keep up with. I spoke to my wife, and we came up with a solution – move my mother into our daughter’s old room.

Before you think we’ve totally lost our minds, hear me out – Mom would always spend her weekends with us, even though we were less than 10 miles away. But she was lonely, and we loved the company. Our weekends tended to be filled with cooking, shopping and laughing – mostly laughing. So it really wasn’t much of a stretch to bring mom here.

So now, it’s several months later, and there’s been no blood spilled, and no threats to anyone’s life. Believe it or not, we enjoy having our new “roomie” with us – we watch a lot of the same television shows and movies, And, it didn’t take much work to add Mom’s desk to our office space.

Our weekends are much more relaxed – we’ll usually cook breakfast together, visit at the table, then retire to the office to play video games.

In other words, not much has changed. We just put a lot less miles on our vehicles, and get to spend Saturdays in our jammies

As for our daughter, she seems happy and well-adjusted. Other than the panicked calls asking where gnats come from (not her salad, that’s for sure), and the occasional “I have a cold, what should I take,” question, she’s doing great. And when she comes to visit, we actually spend more quality time with her than we did when she lived here. Everyone wins.

Of course, I haven’t even gone into the “pack” situation – with Mom’s chiweenie, we now have four dogs under twenty pounds. I’ll leave their adventures for another day.

Have you ever gotten completely and totally sidetracked? I seem to be the master.

Case in point:

I went to the sunroom to take out some cooked brisket to thaw for the weekend. Next to the freezer is a small fridge, which is the resting place for one of our two plants that I haven’t killed yet.

I noticed the plant had quite a few dead leaves on it, so I decided to clear them away. Looks much better!

Of course, that meant that I needed to sweep the sunroom in order to remove the mess I made with the plant. No worries. I go to the garage and get the broom & dustpan. Leaf mess too much for the dustpan, so I wheel the 45 gal trash can from the garage into the sunroom.

Meanwhile, Daisy went out back and started barking up a storm. Damned ducks are back in the pool. I went outside with our vicious 5 1/2 pound Chihuahua, and yelled like a crazy person at the two ducks that have adopted our backyard. They fussed at me – I waved the broom – they fussed some more – I yelled and cursed, Daisy barked. The ducks had enough of our noise and left….for now. Okay, I returned to the sunroom to clean up my earlier mess.

As I’m sweeping, I notice a ton of dead bugs/spider webs in the corner of the sunroom near the back door. Okay, I used the broom and cleaned them away. Then, of course, I sprayed the corner for *new* bugs. Now, what was I doing? Oh, yeah.

Took the broom, dustpan and rolling trash can to the garage. On the way, I saw dust bunnies in the kitchen. Since I already had the broom, I swept the kitchen. Dust bunnies vanquished! Oops. Knocked over the rolling trash can. More sweeping.

On my way to the garage, I noticed the washing machine had stopped. Hung up Jan’s tops to dry.

Where was I? Oh, yeah. Took the rolling garbage can to the garage before I knocked it over again. Tripped over the dustpan and scared the dogs with the not-so-nice language. Took that evil dustpan to the garage, along with the broom.

Started to put the garbage can back where it belonged, and noticed dust PONIES in the corner where it usually sits. Well, hell. Swept the corner, and totally ended up sweeping the garage. Did I mention that I opened the door so I could get some fresh air in the garage? Did I also mention that the wind is SWIRLING today? I think I ate more dust than I swept. Which of course set off an asthma attack.

Went into the house to use the inhaler. The dogs followed. I believe I heard giggling from Nuggie & Daisy.

Now, what was I doing? Oh, right.

Returned to the garage and put away the dust pan, garbage can and broom. Remembered the fabric softener dispenser from the washing machine that I took out last WEEK to clean. It’s still full of water, so I inverted it over a small trash can and went back in the house.

Where was I? Oh, of course.

Put another load of laundry in – last one today, yay!

Went back to the office, sat in my comfy chair and felt like banging my head on the desk.

I left the frozen chunk of brisket on top of the freezer in the sunroom.

Went BACK to the sunroom, ignored any other projects that clamored for my attention, took the package of frozen brisket off the freezer and took it to the kitchen.

And I can never figure out how I wear myself out during the day, doing “nothing”.

*sigh*

We took a road trip to Austin this weekend to attend the Third Annual Lone Star LesFic Festival, hosted by the Sapphic Reading Group.

There’s only one word I can come up with to describe the event – FANTASTIC!

Okay, I’m sure there’s quite a few other great words, too – but I’m worn out. LOL! So many great, wonderful women – I’d name them all, but I don’t think I have enough space, or time. Suffice it to say that we met so many ladies, and had a lovely time. Lots of big-name writers were there and the readings were cool. Got to see many of our friends, although it seemed like there was never enough time to visit properly.

We also went to a private dinner party afterward and I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time.  Great food, wonderful company, and I think I’m going to have to drag, I mean, walk the dog around the block all week to work off the cheesecake

I hope that there will be even more people there next year – if you get a chance, please go. Lots of fun, great writers, and so many super people to meet. Whoo!