Yes, It Does Get Better

I recently received an email from someone who I had not heard from in over 15 years. From my teenage years until my mid-20’s, she had been as close as a sister to me. Once I finally realized why I was so miserable in my life, I came out to her. It did not go well. But then, something wonderful happened.

Christmas is the time of year when forgiveness is held in high regard. People tend to be a little nicer, and there are more feel-good stories on the news.

For the past ten years or so, I’ve tried to live my life as a better person. I’ve stopped smoking, slowed down considerably on the booze and I’ve tried to treat people with respect. I’m far from perfect – I still curse more than I should and my temper can get the best of me.  But I feel a lot better about myself as a whole.

The last time I spoke to Ms. X, I was in my mid-20’s. Up until that point, I hated the person I was – because I felt that I was different from everyone else that I knew, and I didn’t understand why. The self-loathing caused me to drink constantly, get into fights at bars, and be a general pain in the butt to everyone who knew me. I honestly didn’t care if I lived or died – in fact, at times I thought that death would be a blessing.

It took a lot of soul searching and the love of a wonderful woman, but I finally came to grips with my sexuality. I came out to my family and was pleasantly surprised at their support. My mother, as always, was very matter-of-fact about the whole thing. I think she knew before I did. Even my father, who was an old-fashioned, west-Texas good-ol’-boy, told me he loved me. So, I felt a little better about telling my best friend. After all, she knew how miserable I had been for the past few years. I thought she would be glad that I had finally figured out why I was so angry and sad all the time. So, it was a terrible shock to hear the hateful words that came from her – all because I was gay. She stepped out of my life and I never heard from her again…until now.

While I was happy with my wife, the woman who had given me the unconditional love and support I had always needed, my heart broke at the loss of my “sister of the heart”. It took me years to get over the loss. I often thought of my friend and wondered if she was all right.

Imagine my surprise when I received an email through my high school alumni website, from the person I thought I’d lost contact with forever. The heartfelt apology she had written was nice to see, although I had forgiven her a long time ago.  Still, I was nervous about why she contacted me after all these years. After a short phone call, I learned that she and her family are happy and healthy. I have high hopes to at least become friendly again.

What would you do? Would you hold a grudge that only festered and ruined you, or would you forgive and move on?

I’m in a great place in my life. My wife and I have never been happier. My mother, whom I’ve worried about for years, is now living with us and feeling great. I enjoy our little pound-rescue puppies that scamper through the house and my writing keeps me busy. I’m looking forward to the New Year, and everything that it brings.

Merry Christmas!

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